A Father's Day story on love and forgiveness...
My father was a difficult man. Many would consider him unbreakable or unable to succumb to human emotion. Like those outsiders, I felt the same way. He was detached and unaware of the lack of love he provided my siblings and I, let alone my mother. His belief was to show love by going to work each day before we awoke, paying the bills and telling us to sit up straight at the dinner table before he retreated to his torn, brown leather recliner.
To my dismay, the further he pushed me away the more I longed to gain his love, let alone a meaningful conversation. There were countless times throughout my childhood where I tried to pry open a deeper part of him; he responded with a look of terror and turned away without a word.
Yet, here I am now, sitting by his bedside as the shallow inhales form a perfect symphony. I fixate on them to drown out the incessant beeping coming from the cardiac monitor. It isn’t until I look up and see him staring at me. It’s as if he saw me for the first time; like a newborn child.
Startled, I am imprisoned by my own words. I reach for the Styrofoam cup and begin to bring it to his lips; he slaps it away and leaves a puddle on the green checkered floors.
Silence.
With the most profound weakness he reached out his hand and said, “Don’t make the same mistakes as I have, son. I am sorry and I love you.”
My father passed away three days later, on Father’s Day.
While it would’ve been easy to dwell on the heartache and pain, I instead made the most profound decision—to forgive. After he took my hand and said those words, not much else was exchanged. However, I took more from that single day than I could have ever imagined. I have learned more following my father’s death than I knew when he was alive. And although the harsh childhood memories creep up on me daily, I always go back to the day he said I AM SORRY and I LOVE YOU.
This father’s day, no matter the past, present or future you may have with your patriarch, I encourage you to love and forgive.
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